Jewellery for a girlfriend, without guessing her ring size

The safest good jewellery gift for a girlfriend is a pendant necklace, a bracelet or a set of thin stacking bands — pieces that need little or no sizing and say something without saying too much. A ring is the riskiest choice: it is easy to get the size wrong, and in Pakistan a ring on the wrong finger can be read as a proposal by her, her friends or her family.

What to pick, by how well you know her taste

Pendants carry a small message of their own. An initial is personal, a heart is romantic, an evil eye is protective, and a plain stone is simply pretty. If you are unsure what she would like the pendant to say, choose one that says nothing in particular. The pendant guide explains the common shapes.

Why ring sizes go wrong

Most failed ring gifts are the result of an assumption rather than bad luck. These are the ones that come up again and again.

• "She has small hands, so she is a small size." Knuckles decide the size, not the look of the hand. Slim fingers with pronounced knuckles often need a larger ring than you would expect.
• "I borrowed one of her rings." From which finger? A ring from her index or middle finger will be loose on her ring finger, and one from her little finger will not go on at all.
• "It fit in winter." Fingers swell in heat and humidity. A ring that fits in January can be tight in June.
• "Rings are all the same width." A wide band needs a slightly bigger size than a thin one on the same finger.
• "Her friend told me she is a 6." Friends guess too. Unless her friend measured, treat it as a rough starting point.

What a ring can mean, depending on the finger

Families here read rings closely. The same ring worn on two different fingers can send two completely different messages, so it is worth being clear about what you are giving before she opens the box.

What people call a promise ring is still mostly a Western idea, and here it is often read simply as an engagement ring by anyone who sees it. If you want a gift that marks the relationship without making a public statement, a bracelet or pendant does that far more quietly. The full meaning of each finger is covered separately.

Initials, hearts and other things people notice

• Her own initial is a good gift. Your initial on her is a much bigger statement, and it is visible to everyone she meets.
• Heart shapes are clearly romantic. If she lives with her family and keeps her relationship private, a heart pendant may stay in a drawer.
• A small stone pendant or a plain bar is romantic only to the two of you.
• Anything presented in a ring box looks like a proposal before it is opened. Use a flat box or a pouch.

Reading her style before you buy

Pay attention for a couple of weeks before you order. Notice whether her earrings are gold or silver in tone, whether she wears a watch, and whether her rings are thin and delicate or bold. Look at photographs she posts from weddings and from ordinary days, because they often show two different tastes, and the ordinary-day taste is the one to buy for.

If she has ever saved a piece, sent you a screenshot or lingered over something in a shop, that is the best information you will get. Buying the exact thing she already wanted is not unimaginative. It is proof you were listening.

Budget and materials

Budget matters less than choosing a piece that fits her taste; the bands and what each one buys are covered in the birthday budget guide. What matters for a girlfriend is honesty about materials. Zayr's women's rings, for example, are rhodium- or gold-plated over a hypoallergenic base and set with cubic zirconia. That is a perfectly good gift, provided you do not describe it as gold or diamonds.

Have it delivered to yourself, not to her. Orders are cash on delivery, and a rider at her family's door asking for payment is not how you want the surprise to go.

A ring asks a question. A necklace just says you were thinking of her. Know which one you mean.